Wrong Side of the Madness
by Psixi an'the Company of Fools
Summary: Hanji, Levi, Pixis, Eren, Mikasa, Jean, Armin, Connie, Sasha and Krista end up in Xanth by a freak accident. Now, they have to survive this pun-ridden fantasy land and get back to their own world. No, this is not a good idea. Yes, I must've been high when I came up with this. And yes, I'm doing it for the Xanth love springs. Yaoi warning, lots of shipping, includes some Xanth OCs.
1. Prologue

**I have just committed heresy.**

**Yes, this is a Xanth-Attack on Titan crossover.**

**Please shoot me now.**

**Anyway, here, have some prologue. Very short, but I'll deliver the first chapter as soon as I can. Grundy Golem translation; as soon I get over my mental breakdown.**

_Hecate!_

Ow, that hurt. What's your problem?

You fissioned off _another_ alternative _universe_!

So? Is that a crime or something?

It's not a crime because I _sincerely_ doubt the law covers cat goddesses of witches. That does _not _mean it is ethical and socially acceptable!

Oh, pooh. You're overreacting again. What harm can I do?

You just split off alternative universes from two different worlds.

And what of it?

You then merged them together.

Oh, come off it.

One of them is part of a moving, grave tale of tragedy, pain and real strength, full of grief and lost hope and desperation and the epic struggle of mankind in a losing battle against terrifying monstrosities.

Don't be like that . . .

The other is an _awful_, _pun_-filled '_comedy_' written like a child's book and chockfull of _panties_, _storks_ and teen-hormone-_only_ acceptable subplots.

Must you make it sound so very . . .?

Yes.

Anyway, I don't think sending them all there is as bad an idea as you make it out to be! They deserve a break from their story!

In a sickeningly perfect magic land? They'll end up in a love spring.

Hey, it wasn't that predictable!

_. . . YOU SERIOUSLY WANTED TO DUNK THEM IN A LOVE SPRING!?_

It was fan service! Pure fan service! No, stop! Pure fan service! FAN SERVICE! _I SWEAR!_


	2. Chapter 1

**So, we have the extremely boring yet sadly necessary first chapter. ^^'**

It had been raining.

Armin shivered under his soaked cloak, pressing against his racing horse. Now it was pouring. The weather was practically a tempest, a complete thunderstorm.

He couldn't see anything but the wings of freedom waving on Jean's cloak before him, and it was impossible to hear anything at all, over the howling wind and thunder. The patrol streaked through the forest like lightning.

The patrol had been keeping up the breakneck speed for some time, and, with the rain crashing on them stronger than ever, it seemed doubtful if they'd manage it much longer. They must've outdistanced the titans long ago and were now just racing back to the wall. But Armin had a sinking feeling that something- or they- had gone terribly wrong.

The wrong way.

Lightning struck the sky. Everything went momentarily white.

**-l|[-]|l-**

While main characters are surely most important, there is always a supporting cast, and, in this story, where the division into 'main' and 'supporting' characters is the result of Xanth's picky rules, the difference between the two is momentarily unclear and perhaps unfair, for it springs from the decision that the guests shall become our main characters and the hosts shall remain the supporting cast. Perhaps unfair, but with a deep reason that may seem unclear at first, much like the Good Magician's Answers.

**-l|[-]|l-**

"Corps! Follow this way!" A shock of brown hair and light flashing on glasses marked Hanji's location, as she turned back to call them together, side-by-side with Levi and Pixis. Blindly following her voice, Armin spurred his horse into motion, dashing over the wet ground. Fear slowly grew within him as he forced his horse straight. They had to be lost, and even if the three higher-ranks knew where they were going, the risk that they would run into Titans again was steadily rising. _Hanji, I hope you know what you're doing!_

But the scout had no time to think of anything else, any other possible option, and had no way to focus when they tore through the brittle trees. Twigs raked his face when he tried to get a better look of what was around him. Armin squinted through the sudden, sharp pain when a stray branch whipped his face, scratching his cheek, and made out a flash of blonde hair from under the hood of the rider beside him. It was Krista, no doubt, and he looked back to his horse's neck and tried to avoid the tree branches shredding the air, seeing no more.

**-l|[-]|l-**

Gritti Griffiness was worried, looking out uneasily from her nest, in the depths of wild Xanth. Her thoughts were troubled. She was to become the nurse for a young griffin of royal lineage soon, but while she had no doubt in her disciplining abilities, she couldn't shake a nagging worry. The griffiness was a creature of integrity and duty, and she never let herself do less than she could.

Gritti felt it was her responsibility to give her charge the best education, and now, when she felt that it might be possible for her to do even more, her conscience would give her no rest. On the other paw, she wasn't certain if she wasn't just being too nosy . . .

Looking out over the forest to the setting sun, she made up her mind.

She would go to the Good Magician, and receive an Answer. Perhaps it was not actually necessary of a governess to do so, but she felt her conscience would give her no rest otherwise. She would go, ask her Question, do her service. She was a griffiness, and would never settle for less.

**-l|[-]|l-**

But when he looked up next, prompted by a sudden gasp from Christa, the pain of his cuts was immediately forgotten. A flash of flesh, in the corner of his eyes. _A Titan,_ was the first thought that circulated through his mind. But the image that had been seared into his brain was that of . . . _hands,_ far too small to be Titan. And if it had been a Titan, they would've heard its footfalls. So what had he just seen? Krista must've gotten a clearer look.

He glanced at Krista and felt a jolt sear through his spine when he saw the horror frozen on her face, beneath her green hood. She looked up at him, her blue eyes opened wide, the image of pure, primal terror.

Armin felt his stomach sink, but he gritted his teeth, steeling his nerve. He couldn't let them fall apart, and he looked back at Krista with a determination written across his face so she could see it. The small girl trembled on her horse, blurred by the trees flashing between the two of them, and she looked back forward with unseeing blue eyes.

They suddenly pulled to an abrupt stop, arriving in a tiny clearing. Levi growled a curse, and Hanji jerked on her horse's reins, crying out in alarm. Armin froze. Krista and Jean followed his gaze.

**-l|[-]|l-**

Grim was an old goblin.

He had been quite a good and ferocious chief in his time, though slightly different than other chiefs. Mainly because, for a long time, his female ancestors, pragmatic, cunning woman had been effectively finding husbands of more trustworthy and respectable characters. grim was the result of many generation's labour, and thus surprisingly decent for a goblin male.

He was ruthless, of course, but strangely honest and fair. While, of course, caring for those they're fond of is not rare in goblin chiefs, Grim bestowed his fondess and favour far more often than other goblin males. He could be cruel, if he believed it necessary.

But now, he was old and tired, and troubled as he looked over his horde. Elderly and weary, his thoughts now turned to a subject he had never thought of as chief. The harpies. And the half-talents they reputedly had.

Now, he found himself musing what wonderful results the human queen Irene's suggestion could have. If harpies and goblins worked together to create a new specie . . . one that could stand up to the powerful species of Xanth, like humans or centaurs . . . with full magical talents, the crossbreed offspring could be a powerful new ace. But he was chief no longer, and his musings ended hazily. There was not much he could do now.

But the thoughts kept coming back, until one day he made up his mind.

Perhaps he had no way to reach such a goal. But he could do something to find such a way.

Go to the Good Magician.

Because the Good Magician had an Answer for any and every Question.

**-l|[-]|l-**

The rain splattered on broad leaves, leaving a small dry space by the trunk of a huge tree.

A woman was leaning against the tree trunk.

She raised her head, looking at them. Her eyes were unnaturally green, like pure mossy pools. Seeing the group, she startled and blinked a few times. Then a sort of understanding seemed to dawn on her face and she smiled, moving to a standing position.

Hanji and Levi suddenly thrust themselves in front of the younger scouts, blades bared and eyes slits.

"Who are you?" Levi's cold voice was low and dangerous. His grey eyes watched the stranger's every motion.

"Please, do not be afraid." The beautiful woman said pleasantly, auburn hair flowing down her shoulders. "Are you lost in this region?"

Armin and Krista rode up beside Jean, who sat tensed and narrowed-eyed on his steed.

"Not afraid?" Krista whispered fearfully, frozen still on her horse. Her blue eyes remained wide and panicked. "Who is that? Is she- She has to be-"

Jean didn't spare the girl a glance. Armin, staring at the relaxed woman, feverishly raced through the possibilities in his mind. They were outside the walls, far outside the walls. No humans remained in this area, so this woman had to be a Titan in human skin . . . but she looked so tranquil, smiling at them easily. Unless she was trying to deceive them . . . but what would be the point of that if it was obvious she couldn't be human?

Fact was, this was outside the walls. No one could be here! Unless she was a Titan in human skin. And if that was true . . .

Armin's mouth went dry.

Jean shifted his maneuver gear, gripping his blade with an imperceptible motion. Mikasa and Eren acted similarly and nudged their horses slightly forward, towards the three higher-ups, though Pixis looked back at them and raised his arm, commanding them to stop. Connie and Sasha sat motionlessly in back.

**-l|[-]|l-**

When a fragment of the world of Attack on Titan merged into Xanth, it was big enough to emanate a bit of its own soul, its feel and its grief, countering the childish happy endings of Xanth. A member of the supporting cast found herself in the crossfire. She would forever change the fate of this fissioned off Xanth.

Brownie was a human girl. She hated her name.

While our main characters were beginning to realize something was wrong, she was stumbling through the forest, mind blank, too broken, too shocked. She staggered to a tree and collapsed against it, not even noticing the cavernous grass under. Hysteria bubbled up in her throat as she watched the grass wrap around her. "Lied . . . it's all lies." She laughed, strangely, emptily. "It doesn't work . . . such a big deal, such a big protector, and it doesn't work~!"

She laid motionlessly in the grass, feeling it bite into her flesh, not fighting back. What was the point? It was all- it was all-

Sudden rage fired up in her.

She ripped out of the grass, kicking the tree. She staggered backwards, and looked up into the sky.

Hatred filled her eyes.

**-l|[-]|l-**

Receiving no reply, the woman leaned away from the tree, calling out pleadingly, "Please, don't be wary! I mean you no harm. You must get out of the madness!"

"Madness?" Hanji repeated sharply, searching the woman's face. "What do you mean by that?"

"And why the hell should we trust you in the first place?" Levi added, tightening his grip on the blade's handle.

"I have no reasons to harm you. Far from it. Travelers, you are now in the realm of madness. You must leave now if you value what sanity you possess."

"Like hell." Jean muttered under his breath. Armin said nothing as he tried to calm himself and guess what Levi, Hanji and Pixis would do. Pixis seemed to be unperturbed by the whole situation. There was no other option but that the woman was a Titan, but her words were so strange they rang of truth. Madness- was that the explanation what what they had been seeing? None of the books he had read ever mentioned this.

Mikasa glanced first at Pixis, then Levi and Hanji, trying to figure out what she should do.

"Corporal . . ." Eren prompted uneasily, his gaze shifting between the short scout and strange woman. The black-haired man didn't react, still like stone.

The strange woman tried again, reaching out towards them with a hand. "My name is Desiree Dryad. Please, the more time we spend out here, the less certain I am that I can get you to safety effectively."

"Safety?" The words almost exploded from Connie's mouth, unable to control himself anymore. "Aren't you a Titan? We already know who you are, so stop playing around!"

Jean glared furiously at their teammate and Krista became even paler, if that was possible, but privately, Armin found Connie's words correct. The bald scout was right, and if this woman was really a titan, the sooner she revealed herself and they killed her, the better.

But the Titan-woman didn't turn to titan form and just gazed at Connie as if confused. "Titan? What are you saying? Do you mean a triton? I am not of the merfolk."

"A triton?" Hanji echoed, brow furrowed above the rim of her glasses. "Merfolk?"

"What the hell is a triton?" Jean muttered, brown eyes turning questioningly to Armin, who frowned and shook his head in denial.

"Never heard of it."

Levi's demeanor didn't change at all. The corporal instead called to the woman, voice changing to a drawl, "Titan or trition or whatever- I don't care. It doesn't matter. We don't trust you."

The woman looked annoyed, her moss-green eyes exasperated. "This is becoming absurd. Don't you want to leave the madness? You are human, are you not? I can take you out of here. And I will. Do you want me to?"

"Yes, we do." Pixis suddenly spoke up, surprising everyone. Hanji and Levi stared back at the Garrison leader, who continued obliviously, smiling slightly. "We would appreciate your help greatly, I think. I get the feeling we've become lost- in more ways than one, speaking so sharply with a such a lovely woman."

"No." Levi injected coldly. "We cannot trust this woman."

The auburn-haired woman threw her hands up in frustration. "What can you possibly lose?"

**-l|[-]|l-**

Dale and Mirabell had a lot to lose.

Or perhaps the whole problem was that they had nothing to lose?

If so, then they had nothing to lose.

And everything to win.

**-l|[-]|l-**

A silence met her words, the rain pouring on them harder than ever. Hanji was uneasy and confused, uncertain whether to place her trust in Levi or Pixis. Fixing her glasses, she shot Pixis a nervous glance. "Pixis? Are you certain about this?"

The elderly man gave her a calm look. "I don't think we have much choice now. Why not trust the woman? Levi?"

The corporal sat silently on his horse. Desiree looked at him and repeated, gently, "What can you possibly lose?"

**-l|[-]|l-**

A night mare grazed on the plains deep within the gourd. Hearing some sound discernible only to herself, she raised her head.

Night Mare Marginis looked far into the horizon and, for the first time in a very long time, felt a sudden, strange need.

**-l|[-]|l-**

At that moment, Demon Nai was wondering what it would be like to have a soul.

It was an unnatural thought.

No demon wanted a soul. They all knew what a soul would do them. A soul was a chain for a demon.

But D. Nai had a strange hunch that a soul . . . was . . . far more than that.

**-l|[-]|l-**

"Everything." Levi replied softly. Then he sheathed his blades, prompted a startled expression from Eren, "Corporal-?", and announced, not looking back towards Armin and the others, "We're following the woman."


End file.
